take what you need, don't forget to breathe
by happyoreokidd
Summary: What happens when Harvey Specter finally knows how to go after what he wants?
1. Chapter 1

_So this is what it feels like to be a free man, _Harvey thought.

After days of trying to find a loophole or evidence to blackmail Evan Smith into cooperating, Harvey finally felt his cloud of worry dissipate because he had found a way out. He was safe. _Donna was safe._ Though he knew what he had done was somewhat in the moral gray area, he had convinced himself that if the people knew how much he cared about the woman he had just rescued, they would understand. His logic was kind of fucked up, he knew, but at the moment he could care less because Donna was going to be okay.

After the meeting, Harvey had immediately texted her, "_closed Evan Smith" _before heading back to the office with Mike. As a small little token of thanks, Harvey bought the kid a bagel to the associate's surprise, conveyed by his saucer-sized eyes. And his own "What? You did good, you deserve one," only made the puppy's eyes bug out larger. He smirked in response before they both headed back up to Pearson Specter Litt, the joy clearly evident in their step. By the time he swaggered into his office as per usual, he had the biggest shit-eating grin on his face. Donna, being Donna, was already at her desk worrying about his schedule as if this whole nightmare hadn't just happened. _Ever the bigger person_.

Harvey walked in and sat in his chair, eyes eventually settling on the presence of his favorite cream cheese bagel sitting next to a cup of coffee, which undoubtedly had a shot of vanilla in it. He smiled at the memory of when he was first introduced to this combination, relishing in the fact that even when they had first met, she already knew him better than he knew himself.

Being too preoccupied in his thoughts, he picked up the cup and accidentally tipped it too far back into his mouth. Burning his tongue with the hot beverage, his "Ow! Jesus," was not unheard by Donna via the intercom. As she chuckled, he glared in her direction with a huff before coordinating the cup back to his mouth, until he saw something written on the cup.

_Thank you, Harvey._ was what he read in Donna's curly handwriting. It was a somewhat unknown gesture for the two of them, and though it felt weird, Harvey felt a sense of content rest in him. He smiled, glad that he glad he could be hidden by his coffee cup and his glass walls. The woman always knew how to make his day better, even when he felt like he was on a silver lining already. But he would never admit that, not even to himself. Still, he couldn't help but sneak a peek at his favorite redhead...

Knowing Harvey would see her message at this exact moment, she turned and made eye contact with him before giving him a wink and he smiled back at her. Even though she was currently pretending to act like her little.. _issue _ had never happened, she too felt a great relief in having it all be had always made them giddy from the day she had started working for him, and seeing as they were the best damn closer in all of New York City and the best executive assistant in all of law firm history, they were never denied the highs of winning. Today, however, their happiness over this particular win wasn't something shared by the firm; it was them celebrating in their own little world. And while it was exciting, Donna thought, it was also new and kind of terrifying.

For Harvey, trying to save Donna this past week had taken the toll out of both of them, victory this time around wasn't as evident as relief. Though he usually celebrated by going for drink and waking up to a random beauty next to him, all he wanted tonight was to be in the presence of her.

"Donna," he practically chirped.

"Yes, Harvey?" she asked, wondering if he needed another bagel. She wouldn't have been surprised; he ate (or rather, _swallowed_) those like a fat kid with cake.

"What're your plans for tonight?"

"Since when were you concerned with my life after work?"

"Since I want to take you out to dinner. Let's celebrate."

No answer.

"Wow, Donna. Nothing to say _again?_ You must be losing your touch," he teased.

"Shut up, Harvey. I'm sure there's some bimbo out there you'd much rather like to _celebrate _with instead so go away, I'm busy sorting your life out."

He pretended to ignore the first statement. "More like busy soaking in your tub with a lush bomb until you're a prune surrounded by bubbles reading sex tips from _Cosmo_. You don't need a magazine for that; go out with me tonight and I'll give you a few pointers."

Donna was an amazing actress (he had actually been blown away when he saw her that night he told her he was a Donna fan) but her red hair always betrayed her even at the slightest indication of her blushing. He smiled to himself. Again, _victory._

"If I go will you leave me alone?" she mumbled.

"Deal."

"Wait.. where are we going?"

"It's a surprise." He actually didn't know, but where was the fun in admitting that?

"What do you mean, it's a surprise? How am I gonna know what to wear?"

"Do you think this is a date?" he humored her. Her returning death glare almost made him laugh.

"You know what, I don't really feel like going anymore. And just for the record, Harvey, being a dick doesn't make yours bigger."

"Trust me when I say I need no help in that department," Harvey shot back, though she remained unamused. "Alright, fine. Just-" he had an epiphany. "Just wear something you would wear to work. A nice, simple, but elegant or optionally sexy dress."

"_Seriously?_ This is gonna be the worst night ever." She gave him her infamous eye roll.

"Just trust me. I'm not just a pretty face, you know."


	2. Chapter 2

Donna had been given the rest of the day off because Harvey was feeling uncharacteristically kind. She used the time wisely, first unwinding by yes, reading _Cosmo _ in the tub, then spending the rest of her time getting ready. A majority of it was also involuntarily spent trying to convince herself this _wasn't _ a date. Sure, he had admitted that the thought of her going to prison made him feel like dropping to his knees, but that shouldn't change anything between them. She knew that he always cared about her, in a sense.

Still, she wanted to look good. There was no harm in that, right? It was her right as a redhead to flaunt her beauty.

Thus, at 8PM exactly, she was stepping out her front door in a black off shoulder sweetheart dress that stopped midthigh with her hair up high and makeup on point. She was greeted by a suave-looking Harvey leaning on his Lexus, secretly pleased by his currently ogling her out of pure male appreciation. But he recovered quickly and replaced his expression with a smirk.

"Wow, if I had known you'd be wearing that to work anytime soon, I'd definitely try to make it a habit come in earlier."

She chuckled. He was such a dork.

"Shut up, Specter. Now where are we going?"

"You'll see," he responded, opening the car door for her, excited for the night.

After endless minutes of small talk (only disturbed once when Ray accidentally ran over a pothole) later, Donna looked out her window to see that they were currently parked in front of Le Bernardin.

"Harvey," she gasped, "this is not _just _dinner. Le Bernardin? The reservation list must be like, a hundred years. Rachel's gonna kill me if I get to eat here before she does."

"Well, if that's the case just call me and I'll come and just box her out." he grinned. "Come on, get a move on; Ray's going to get a parking ticket if we don't hurry up and get out."

Though Donna had only joked earlier that it was going to be the worst night ever, it almost was. If it had been with anyone but each other, Harvey and Donna both would have called quits on this so-called "date". The restaurant ran out of the wine that they wanted, they were at a table too close to the kitchen as well as a sleazy guy who could not for the life of him stop leering at Donna, and a waiter accidentally spilled some water not unlike the way that random guy had done to Louis when he and Harvey had drinks all those years ago.

In short, it was an absolute disaster.

But it wasn't like it mattered, because the moment Donna and Harvey sat down none of those things were of very much importance. They talked and laughed and even cried at one point, because that was simply how they were. They never had to try; their relationship just came. After two hours of bantering, bickering, and baby-calling, Harvey paid the bill and Ray, ever the loyal driver, was there to pick them up.

"Going home?" Donna asked?

"Nah, I have one more place I want to stop by tonight."

"Aaaand I assume you're not going to tell me?"

"You always did know everything, Donna." he teased.

They sat in silence while Donna mulled over the possibilities of their next destination. _His father's grave? Too sentimental. Mike's place? No point. The firm? Didn't they spend enough time there already? Maybe he was taking her boxing…_

Before long, the car came to a halt yet again and Donna looked out the window to find themselves in front of a bar.

Not just any bar. _Puzzles_. Where they had first met. She was at a loss of words yet again.

"Wow, Harvey. This place- you- you remembered?" What exactly was this man doing to her?

"Did you really think I was going to forget the first time I ever met you? You were all "this is the day you get to meet Donna" on me. I have actually never met a person so forthcoming and blunt about what she wanted."

She slapped his arm playfully as he helped her out of the car. "Don't lie, you loved it. You loved me the first moment you met me."

Donna couldn't see as she was currently putting her jacket on, but Harvey faltered at her words for a moment. Before, it wouldn't have bothered him but somehow, right now, those words seemed to hit home. Oh, something in him was changing…but for the moment he shook the realization off.

"C'mon, let's get a drink."

"You trying to get me drunk, Specter?"

He laughed wholeheartedly, something he hadn't done in a while. "Trust me, Donna. I know you and I know you're perfectly capable of doing that yourself."

The two of them had a nice time reminiscing their past, individually reflecting on how far they had come. Going from ADA to name partner was no easy feat, but the two of them had stuck it through, and most importantly, _together_. As Harvey drank in the sight of her laughing at yet another one of his Bertha encounters, his subconscious attacked him again.

He had everything. His name was on the door, Louis was on good terms with Mike, Mike was his associate again, him and Jessica were getting along, and Donna was safe. Yet he still felt like something was missing from this seemingly perfect world. And it was currently ordering another scotch, on the rocks.

Harvey didn't know what was going on with him; these past few days had apparently really taken a toll on his soul. He had been so desperate to do literally anything to protect her, even if it meant being embarrassingly honest about his feelings. But his best guess was that somewhere along the road, him telling everyone he cared about this woman had led him to see her in a light beyond just as his extremely talented secretary. Harvey Specter believed in having goals, and now he had an inkling that courting Donna might be the next one.

Suddenly, the atmosphere was too much. There was too much noise, too many people… all he wanted was to be alone with her. He wasn't hers to own, necessarily, but at the same time he didn't want to share her with anyone else.

"Hey," he said softly, "wanna get out of here?"

"Wait, but I just got my drink.."

He took it out of her hands and chugged it down. Kind of an asshole move, he knew, but his sudden urgency to get her alone could not be sated.

"You just indirectly kissed me," she laughed. She only added fuel to his fire, and he was pretty sure the desire was reflected in his eyes.

"Let's go," he said sternly, reaching to tug her hand.

The contact was electric; he hadn't thought about his actions and couldn't realize the last time they had been this _intimate._ Sure, she touched his hair and his tie, but never this. He was scared she'd freak out, so naturally was relieved when she relaxed her hand in his.

"Ray's in the back." He kept hold on her hand, tugging her along playfully but not enough to make her trip. Her fingers interlaced around his, sending a shiver down his spine.

He had never felt so hot and bothered from just _hand holding_. He felt like he was thirteen again, being with a girl for the first time. He began to wonder if this was what the phrase _playing with fire_ came from. Not only was this crossing dangerous waters, but also Donna's flaming red hair and fiery personality seemed to contribute as well.. Meanwhile, Donna was glad that the sun had set hours ago because then she had the ability to hide her blush in the dark night.

Was this what the Specter package was like? She found that she had to keep reminding herself that he had probably done with with a million other women, that he was just caught in the moment. Just a way of having fun.

They found Ray listening to classical music in the car. He opened the door for her again, and with a quick "Donna's place, Ray,", before they were on their way, the night still young.


	3. Chapter 3

They were sitting in her apartment before long, her pouring a glass of wine into her warmer pajamas as they recalled the last time he had been here. How funny had it been, spitting shrimp into Donna's mom's hair and not having her feel it.

However, the fact that such an event had happened over half a decade ago really sobered him up.

She sat down to him, a little too close for comfort. Her presence was comforting, that was for sure. But her proximity made him want to do very inappropriate things to her.

She thanked him for not just saving her, but for not bringing it up all night.

Harvey saw her with another layer of appreciation. For twelve years Donna had attended to his every beck and call, and here she was in a puddle of gratitude because he had just done his job. But at the same time he wanted to let her know that she hadn't just been another client.

It occurred to him at that moment, that even though he had told anyone who would listen that he cared about her, _she _didn't know. He had told the entire world, everyone but her. But he was absolute shit when it came to feelings, so he phrased his emotions the best way he could.

He swallowed and caught his breath before he looked her squarely in the eye and said "I told you I'd never let anything happen to you, and I won't. _Ever._"

Her smile made his heart burst.

"If anyone else loses faith in me- doesn't matter. With you, it's different." he couldn't help his voice wavering with emotion because it had taken them so _fucking _long to get here. He stole a glance at her lips, lingering too long because he couldn't remember why he couldn't just press his onto hers. For a flash, his impulse almost took over. She really was sitting too close.

And because Donna's Donna, she knows exactly what he's thinking, and for a moment she almost wants him to. She hadn't meant to sit so close, her butt had slid down on her couch and she had ended up nearer to him than intended.

Tonight had been something out of a dream, as cliche as it sounded. He had been a complete gentleman, one of the best dates she had ever been on that would've been considered perfect had it not been with her boss. And even though she knew he could charm probably the Queen of England but something kept telling this was different. That _she _was different.

She leaned forward infinitesimally, testing the waters to see how far they would take it. She saw his eyes light up and she thought, _so close _until he leaned back and said,

"I should go." with an apology in his eyes. He hoped she knew it wasn't because he didn't want this. More than anything in the world, Harvey Specter just wanted to kiss the life out of this woman right now, to feel her body against his on _the very couch _where he done so a decade ago. But he just couldn't. He hoped she understood that to him, she meant the world. And he wouldn't give it all up for a night of his own pleasure.

And naturally, Donna had an inkling of exactly was going through his head at the moment. She knew he wanted to _go there_, across the line. His eyes had grown dark and his lips were parted slightly, indicating his mouth drying. While it absolutely terrified her that Harvey evidently could have romantic feelings for her, she had to make sure she wasn't imagining things.

"Why?"

_Why do you have to go? Why am I different? _Donna realized she actually didn't know what exactly she was asking. Perhaps it was a loaded question and she almost expected a generic excuse, "because it's late", "because you and I both know you need your beauty sleep," or something of the sorts. What she wasn't expecting, however, was

"You know I love you, Donna."

Donna's world turned upside down in that single moment. But it didn't skip from her mind that this _asshole _ would tell her something like that and just walk away. Even with that observation, she couldn't bring herself to do anything about it besides continue gaping at him as he opened the door and left.

_You know I love you, Donna. love you…. _Her brain went into overdrive and became a broken record, probably not unlike the Miles Davis one she had scratched a little more than a year ago. _Harvey Specter? Loved…. her? _

If she were honest with herself, Donna knew she would always have a soft spot in Harvey's cold, dark heart. In a way, she knew he loved her like a family member, trusted her like no one else. In Harvey's little bubble of people, she was one of the most prominent, and he was fiercely protective of her. But the way he had said it, _that _kind of love.. such a thing for Harvey Specter to admit to her was absolutely unheard of.

Her living room table buzzed, finally bringing her out of her frozen state. She realized Harvey had left his phone here. Though she wasn't sure if she could face him right now, she figured he needed it to call Ray, anyway. So she put on her ballet flats, and opened the door, and found herself face to face with a bashful Harvey, hand mid-knock.

"I left my phone," he swallowed, his eyes not being able to leave the sight of Donna's lips yet again, this time right in front of him.

His lingering glance was all she needed to throw all her caution in the wind. This week had been too much, and when was the last time she had acted on her temptations anyway? With that, she blinked slowly at him as she closed the distance, relieved to see Harvey not backing away. She grabbed the lapels of his wintercoat, and pulled him down, kissing him for the first time this decade. It had been ten years. _Ten years too long,_ they both thought.

* * *

hey guys, here's the third chapter! I took some of what happened in "intent" and then added my own twist to it to make it less angsty, so hope you enjoy!

more review means more chapters in less time! hehehe. But really, i'd love to hear your feedback so please R&amp;R! :)

jackie.i: glad you caught the reference HAHA. loved that show too until the finale kinda sorta broke my heart :'(


	4. Chapter 4

Finally being able to kiss Donna after five hours of convincing himself it wasn't a good idea was too much for Harvey. For one thing, he hadn't remembered her lips being so soft, or the fact that they seemed to fit so perfectly on his. For the first moments, he didn't respond, how could he? He felt like his entire body had just been lit up similar to that scene, reminding him of that _Princess Diaries_ scene when that Mia finally kissed the Michael dude and her foot popped, lighting up the entire garden. His mind couldn't even comprehend that this was happening, because really, how could someone make him feel so good? Luckily, his body had the able mind to have a reflex, so before long, Harvey found himself kissing her back in an attempt to explain his feelings exactly for her. Whether he was saying, _I'm sorry, I love you, _or _This is why you're different, _he wasn't sure. He was sure, however, that he never wanted this moment to end.

His hands eventually caught on as well, dropping his thousand-dollar coat and jacket onto the floor to use one hand to cup her cheek and the other to settle on her hipbone to pull her closer. He hoped she could tell that his carelessness for his clothes at the moment meant that right now, all that mattered to him was _her_. He begged for permission into her mouth, which she inevitably gave in only after mere seconds of trying to fight him. Their movements became more rough, more carnal, her hands tugging on the scalp of his hair while his hands slipped under her cardigan started wandering up and down her sides. He palmed her breast, eliciting a groan from her that would be etched in his mind forever. It got him hot and flustered like no other woman had; it made Harvey briefly wonder if his blood rushing to his nether regions was training for an Olympic race or something, because _damn_ the rate it was flowing down was surely a personal record. As embarrassing as it was already, the situation was made because Donna noticed too, and her hand snaked between them somehow and she cupped him as if to say _two can play that game_. He involuntarily groaned into her, scared that eventually he'd lose the title of _New York City's Best Closer_ to her if he let this go on.

There was no doubt that he was enjoying every single moment of this, of her melting into him after years and years of controlled resistance. What he would do to just let the night unfold, preferably ending up in her bed where things were sticky, hot, and fantastic. It would be an unforgettable night of absolute pleasure, and the idea alone of finally doing this again with Donna excited him to no end.

Except he knew that Donna deserved better. It was in that instant when his instinct _finally kicked in._ To tell him it was wrong.

Donna Roberta Paulsen deserved better.

In any other situation, he would've just gone forward with it. An attractive lady wanted to jump his bones? Fine by him. And he'd be lying if he didn't sometimes fantasize this "lady" being Donna. But even with that dream becoming a reality right this moment- _oh god, where was her hand going?!- _he decided he needed to stop. He would not make Donna just another person he used just for his own personal pleasure. She meant way too much more than that.

With regrets and the mini-devil Harvey in his hind yelling "Don't do it! You deserve this! Just keep kissing the crap out of her!" Harvey started to pull back, much to Donna's surprise. He looked at her, both aware of them breathing heavily, lips bruised from the intense make-out session they'd just had. He lifted his hands to cup both her cheeks, rested his forehead against hers, closing his eyes from her hypnotic lust-filled gaze.

"Donna," he gasped, "Donna, we-I- I can't do this,"

"Why? I want this, you clearly want this-" she stroked him. He felt like he was about to have a stroke.

"Because it's not right." He stilled himself. His self-control was slipping. He didn't want to hurt her, but any explanation he was currently forming in his head sounded like shit. _So much for being a lawyer._

He saw no option. As he looked at her and her inquiring eyes, it took him everything to turn away and do what he did best- _run_. From her apartment, from his trainwreck of emotions, from her. He needed to get out of here, before he did something that fucked them both over that she didn't deserve.

"I need to go."

Leaving Donna speechless he picked up his pieces of clothing and left, realizing too late that he had left his fucking phone in her apartment again.

* * *

Donna was just standing there out of shock _again_. Her soft spot for Harvey was growing, she could feel it, and it was dangerous. To her heart, but also to the flawless personality she had built herself under the pretenses that no one could knock her off her feet.

On one hand, she wanted to take her pointiest Jimmy Choos and impale her boss for being able to go to Harvard Law and yet still being the dumbest asshole she knew. He _couldn't _do this? Since when did Harvey become the high and almighty man that took pity on her? She was beyond pissed that he thought she couldn't handle it, that she couldn't do it without compartmentalizing their relationship; she was a grown woman and she could make her damn choices by herself.

On the other hand, she knew Harvey more than anyone. And the whole thing actually freaked her out. Deep down, she had discovered tonight that it was possible that he could actually love her like _that, _like he had once for Scottie and Zoe. Donna knew things; she was well aware that she'd always have a special place in his heart, but to be the one he gave it to, that was something out of _The Twilight Zone _ or something. Either way, forget not being able to be knocked off her feet, Harvey Specter had just pushed her down a huge flight of stairs.

And yet, this man could break womens' hearts but could still somehow forget his phone. With an exasperated sigh, she unlocked the code with her own encoded fingerprint (he still had no idea she had done that the moment he had gotten his iPhone 6), before texting Ray to come pick him up.

Heading to bed, her head swam with the possibilities of what the fuck would happen between them tomorrow.

* * *

Harvey was grimacing at the fact that he'd have to take a cab back home (he definitely didn't do yellow in any scenario) when he saw Ray pull up with the car, picking up immediately that Donna must have texted him. That gesture nearly killed him; what had he done to deserve Donna anyway? He was such an asshole.

In the car, Harvey already began to feel the regret of pushing her away creep in. How easy would it have been to just succumb to what they both wanted? But he pushed those thoughts away because deep down, he knew he had made a good call. He never wanted to do… _that_ with her again, unless it meant something more than just sex.

In reality, he knew he was royally fucked, because when was anything with Donna ever just one thing? She'd been the most consistent person in his life, more present than his own mother. Twelve years.. he was determined not to ruin this entire empire he had built with her just for a night.

Looking out the window, he recalled on aforementioned first night he had met her. Even then, twelve years ago, she had already had him swooning.

* * *

He had remembered that she was all talk and all walk too, rare for a woman. Usually they swooned at the sight of his mischievous eyes and Specter smile. But he could tell from the start that she was not easily fazed.

What was even more surprising was that she was even more knowledgeable about him than anyone ever was in the history of his lifetime. Never, _not once_, had he been appalled by a woman's wits until now. She left him speechless, which was most definitely a new feeling. He wasn't an ADA for nothing, after all.

As she coerced him to buy her a drink at a table, he became more intrigued. It was refreshing to see someone who was so forward with what they wanted for once, even though for the first time it didn't involve him, a lethal amount of alcohol, and the egyptian cotton bed sheets in his apartment. Although, for the first time _yet again_, he was actually disappointed that it wasn't sex. As much as he hated to admit it, she had him hot and bothered from the instance the words "You have no idea how Donna I am," and he found it constantly harder to keep himself in check. Not because he hadn't been getting any (oh, Nadia), but because she really was _something else_.

But as much as her impression had left a huge-ass mark in his brain just from that night alone, Marcus and his company came first- which was why it came to be a disappointment when he couldn't give her what she wanted.

He did, however, take the courtesy to tell her how sorry he was, exactly, only to have the encounter leaving the way her breasts moved in the pink top and her low gaze peeking out from her bangs the second time they met permanently ingrained in his memory. After what he thought would be their last time meeting, Harvey remembered the past him had almost walked back and asked if _Donna _was sure she still didn't want to take what else he had to offer.

Present Harvey chuckled. _Thank god for that, _he mused. Had he done so, his life would be very different. He didn't think he'd be half as as successful as he was now.

To which he then realized as Ray failed yet again to dodge a pothole, that he hadn't known when or how, exactly. But over time, over twelve years, eventually everything he did somehow led back to his chance encounter with Donna.

_She was his whole world. _

And for the first time in his life, as if to thank her for showing him many _first times,_ he was going to fight for her.

The problem was, he just didn't know how.

* * *

Spring break 2k15! WOO HOO if ya want more, review more, and don't forget to also read Harvey's Harvard Homecoming!

Sidenote: will incorporate all the stuff that goes down in 4x16 "Not Just a Pretty Face" but you can bet on some things ending up a little differently, hehehe...

Love you all xoxo. And thank you for all the kind comments so far! They make me really happy 3


	5. Chapter 5

The next day at work wouldn't be an easy one, and both Harvey and Donna knew of this fact. The night before had been so unlike them; they rarely let each other's walls down. So in short, it really was a miracle that they both had the ability to go to work. To face each other, well aware of how blurred their line had gotten last night.

Donna walked in right on time, quite unsure of what to expect.

Knowing Harvey, he was going to be on opposite horizons of the "feelings" spectrum. He was either going to be

A) Somehow, miraculously be in touch with his feelings overnight and was going to be waiting for her with a huge bouquet of flowers with her favorite cupcakes from that bakery on Fifth, waiting at her desk to kiss her good morning, or

B) Sitting at his desk, trying to completely pass it off as if nothing had happened last night.

There was no in between, but she guessed it would be B.

As she finally headed to the 50th floor, she scowled at the fact that Harvey always had the ability to surprise her with Option C) Not being at his office at all.

So she had to stay in the dark a little longer, but she hated not knowing what was going on. Or how to react, for that matter.

She saw Louis's slip of paper. With an annoyed sigh, she dropped off her bag and rounded the corner to tell the new name-door partner that she was _busy_.

Though with herself or with her boss, she didn't know.

* * *

Harvey would be lying if he said he wasn't avoiding her. He had gotten in half an hour earlier and dove straight into work, conveniently called out of the office. But he swore it wasn't on purpose, it was just some instinct of his. In the midst of _fight or flight_, he had chosen flight, which probably came to a surprise to no one in regards to him when it came to people he cared about. Anything else, he would have nailed himself to the floor in order to take whatever shit was about to hit the fan.

Truth was, Harvey had no idea what was going on his head. On one hand, he loved finally having the freedom to throw away that damn line last night- kissing her had been the highlight of his entire week. He had never felt so _alive_. And his intuition was saying that it was because it was Donna, of course. It didn't take a rocket scientist to know that much.

But at the same time, _Donna?_ She had undoubtedly been his rock for twelve long but successful years. So simultaneously, Harvey felt fear for the first time when it came to a woman. Anyone else, it wouldn't have mattered (most situations it was just a bed&amp;breakfast anyway), but he couldn't help wondering if he was just fucking around with the one of the few things in his life he could depend on- others being just Mike and Jessica.

He had decided he wasn't going to let anything happen unless he was sure of his own intentions. It scared him to no end that he could potentially love Donna, that he could be in love with her. But it kind of excited him for reasons he couldn't explain, the kind of excitement that made him feel all mushy like he did in his high school romances.

Even then, Harvey Reginald Specter was a follower of the law but no expert at love. However, he knew Donna deserved him when he knew for a solid fact he was ready to pursue her and wasn't doing it out of the fact that he almost lost her the last time.

* * *

It had been a long-ass day. Trying to handle Forstman, Woodall, and Cahill all in one day had taken a toll on him. And as much as he tried, Harvey really couldn't shake off the feeling that he just wanted to see Donna and tell her how his crappy day went. That was their usual routine anyway, another thing Harvey noticed he took for granted these past few years. The more he thought about it, the more he wasn't willing to take the plunge- wasn't what they had already good enough?

Finally, she walked into his office and he couldn't help but be relieved to see her. He couldn't help but note that she looked good in her maroon, off the shoulder dress- tall, proud, and prepared for anything that came her way.

But, of course, he tried to mask his admiration away. He hid behind anger instead, and questioned where she had been the entire damn day.

_I lose my mind without you around,_ he thought silently.

Then she had delivered the news that Norma had passed away, and had been gone because she was helping Louis.

"Norma died? That's terrible." He was taken aback with the news.

"I thought you couldn't stand her."

Sure, she'd always given him the creeps, but he had to give her kudos for being able to work for Louis Litt. It wasn't an easy job.

"I couldn't, but I assumed Louis loved her, so.. do what you need to-"

"Ohhhh, so because she was a secretary, he _must have _loved her."

In this moment, Harvey would have done anything to get out of here. But she literally had him trapped in his own office.

"That's not what I meant." he scrambled to fix this before it became a shitstorm.

"But it is what you said."

_Damn Donna and her uncanny ability to always undermine him. _He thought of no escape but to question her directly.

"Okay, Donna. What's wrong?"

As if they both didn't know what was wrong.

"How 'bout we start with the fact that I've been wondering for the last ten hours if you're going to _acknowledge _what happened last night, but you're _you, _so of course you're not."

"I'm not going to acknowledge it because nothing _happened _last night." _Oh shit. He had meant to tell her he wasn't sure why it happened, not that nothing happened. _

This was going to end badly. He was sure of it as he was about the sun rising from the East.

"Why? And don't tell me I know why."

"Because it would've been a mistake, and you know it." He was digging himself deeper into his own damn hole. He wasn't meaning any of this, but all his brain was letting himself say pointed to denial. He couldn't help it, even with Donna looking continually more… pissed? disappointed?

"What I know, is _something _happened. And you ran away, but not before you told me you love me."

"I did that because I wanted to make you feel better!"

"_What _did you just say to me?"

Harvey knew. In his gut, this was the exact moment that he _threw _the shit that was hitting the fan. He was fucked. There was only one way to fix this, to tell her that he might just love her but he was too scared to admit it, even to himself. So really, there was no way out of this.

"That's not what I meant. I didn't say that to p-"

"Because you _pity _me? Yeah, you said it."

**"****No, I said it ******because I love you******, and I wanted you to know it." There. That should be better. **

"Love me _how?_"

If this were a space mission, Harvey would've jumped ship already even if it meant certain death. This situation in itself was already slowly killing him.

"What does that have to do with-"

"Love me HOW?"

He spun in his chair, not knowing what else he could do.

"That's what I thought. You either can't answer or you won't, which is bullshit, because obviously, you don't just look at me this way. You're capable of looking at me _that _way but you don't want to let those worlds collide because you're afraid to risk anything."

He was pissed now. He liked living life on the edge, thank you very much. "Because we HAVE everything!"

"No, Harvey, YOU have everything!"

"So you're saying you _want _everything?"

His last statement was a stupid, mindless rebuttal to her emotional prodding. Harvey was mortified at how fast they two of them were derailing. This confrontation was going a million times worse than he'd expected. But he also couldn't help his curiosity. _Did_ she want everything? Her potential feelings for him would have helped secure his own thoughts, but she had always had that _damn rule _ anyway… were they on the same page? Was she as confused as he was?

"I don't know, Harvey. But what I do know is, I don't want your pity."

Harvey sat there gobsmacked while Donna walked away. He had expected a retort, an insult, some sort of banter.. something that made him feel bad but still gave away the fact she'd still stand by his side.

_What more could Donna want from their relationship? _He thought she was always satisfied about how things had been, and was surprised she wasn't as satisfied as he was. Frustration slowly set in as he came to terms with the fact that this was exactly what he didn't want to happen. He thought to himself bitterly, how quickly one sentence had so quickly ruined everything he had built for the past decade.

When he got over himself, he wondered how many times he would have to keep watching Donna walk away before he could get his shit together.

* * *

HI Y'ALL imma straight up apologzie for the angst, and all the analyzation of feelings because I know nothing really happened much this chapter... the office confrontation became longer than i thought so i split my story in two. but please stay tuned! gonna have a plot twist ; )

&amp; if you can, leave a a messssage! gives me motivation to write faster haha.

xoxo


	6. Chapter 6

Despite his firm belief that he would try and make things better, things only went downhill from there. The roles had been reversed; now it was her turn to start advertently avoiding him, and it worried him to his core.

As he also had a right to be worried, too. The next day was just as difficult as the last for Donna to get through. She felt bad for reprimanding Harvey the previous night, but at the same time she didn't because she was Donna Roberta Paulsen and she didn't need _anyone's _pity, especially not Harvey's. You'd think that after 12 years the man would know better than to explain that his declaration of love had just been because he felt sorry for her.

But.. "_I said it because I love you, and I wanted you to know it" _still resonated her head. Her brain might have been too busy being awesome at times, but other times it was just a pain in her ass making her relisten to things she didn't want to keep hearing in her head.

* * *

Norma's memorial service was both beautiful and a little haunting; beautiful in the way that everyone showed up to show that they cared, but haunting because it was only because of a beloved secretary's death that they were able to do so. Louis's speech was the same thing.

"Don't let the moment pass. Don't let the people you love walk by you without letting them know how you feel about them."

Harvey snuck a look by to Donna across the room, an action so noticed by everyone but herself, it almost felt forbidden. Seeing her made his heart beat a little faster, and he was glad nobody could tell. He still didn't know how he felt, just that he wanted to be next to her, holding her hand like Mike and Rachel were doing. Those lucky bastards.

"'Cause life slips by, and then it's over. And I'm not gonna let another minute pass me by without letting you know how much you mean to me. I love you."

Donna took a moment to look at Harvey upon hearing Louis's last words, try as she might to resist her urges. Did she love Harvey? Did she love him _in that way?_ If so, she was fucked. Right now, all he was doing was staring straight ahead, as if she didn't matter. She didn't know what she was expecting anyway, this was Harvey, the most robotic human she had ever met. If she had feelings for him she had to jump ship soon, because it would only be a matter of time before it would get too deep and lead to her ultimate self destruction.

Louis repeatedly telling her that Harvey didn't know how lucky he was after the ceremony wasn't helping her, either.

For the time being, she let it go, knowing that Harvey would be spending all his time try to nail the son of a bitch named Forstmann. She never wanted to bother him when he needed to be at his best, and right now was one of those times.

She was seriously getting antsy, though. Her gut told her that a major confrontation was going to happen soon, and it wouldn't end well for either of them.

* * *

Harvey should have been relieved. He should have let out a deep breath when he got Forstmann in the most ironic way possible. But things lately had all been too much of a close call that he was already getting used to this high stakes, win all or lose everything type of feeling, and his body was just prepping for the next one.

But he let himself be happy for a moment. He would no longer have to worry about Marcus getting exposed, and that was already a huge mountain of stress off his shoulders.

He decided to call the guy, judging the fact they hadn't talked for a while. Upon hearing everything was fine, Harvey finally let relief seep into his bones. All business had been taken care of and settled, and he was genuinely glad for that. He hung up with Marcus after his brother had to go bathe his kids. _You're so whipped, Marcus, _Harvey thought, as he hung up the phone with a smile.

He was surprised to see Donna still here so late as she came in. But at good timing too, because he was in a good mood after all that'd happen and he wanted to celebrate it with her, right after he told her how much she meant to him.

Any other day, he would've scolded himself for going soft. But this was Donna, and whenever things involved her he just couldn't be bothered to give a damn about his reputation.

In the midst of him telling her that he thinks she's amazing and just because he doesn't tell her all the time it doesn't mean he doesn't feel it every single damn second he's around her, she broke his world.

"I'm leaving you, Harvey. This isn't working for me anymore."

He was so scared of ever hearing those words that he couldn't even wrap his head around around what she just was almost as bad as the first time he had caught his mother cheating, rooted to the spot but unable to do or say anything.

_Donna? Leaving him? That's impossible. They were a team. He __**needed **__her, didn't she know that?_

He tried to convince her that she was just tired, or scared, or anything else, for all he cared. He could not lose her, under any circumstances.

"Donna. Donna, please." he begged. Her unwavering gaze plummeted him through the Earth and into its fiery depths. She wasn't changing her mind. He felt his heart pump faster and faster, like he was about to have an anxiety attack of some sorts.

Which was why he never, _never,_ on Earth, would have expected her to say,

"I love you, Harvey." before she walked away.

* * *

Sorry this took so long! Spring Quarter is very time consuming and I was trying to write my other stories before I found where I wanted to go with this one.

Special thanks to Guest for reviewing and asking for a new chapter! Had it not been for you I would have continued brooding...

happyoreokidd


	7. Chapter 7

Harvey Specter stood there in the aftermath, dumbfounded and speechless. Donna _loved _him? He had always had his suspicions, but they had been quashed after her whole "I love you like a brother" spiel and he hadn't given it much of a thought since. Well, that wasn't true. He had forgotten about stupid Stephen Huntley. He gave him what they guy deserved, though, doing that to _his _Donna.

Except the fact Donna _wasn't _his. She was literally walking towards the elevator, about to leave him for who knows how long. And for the first time, Harvey Specter followed his instinct based on nothing solely but his feelings.

Trying to clear his eyes, he stormed after his secretary (now ex-secretary, he supposed), mind racing to logic this one out. Deep down, he knew that Donna meant something to him, but he had refused to admit it in the past 14 years. He would never feel so much loyalty and respect for any other woman, that was for sure. And he would undoubtedly trust her with his life, though he hoped it would never come to that. In all their time, she had never been an ex-girlfriend or an ex-anything, but now, more than ever, she felt like a _something. _Something he could hold on to, someone he could grow to open up to and let his walls down. She had bypassed most of them anyway.

And before he knew it, there she was. Standing there, hand over her mouth, face a mixture of sadness and shock. The elevator doors were closing, but Harvey thanks his lucky stars for boxing because he was able to stop them at the last second with his hand.

"You really couldn't wait for the next elevator? You did that when I got fired." Donna shot at him, ashamed he had to see her with her mascara running yet again.

In that moment, Harvey was unsure of plenty of things, but one thing he knew he wanted to do right now was kiss her until the sun came up.

"Shut up, Donna."

And before she knew it, he had pressed her into the corner of the elevator and attacked her lips with his. He was scared momentarily that he had been wrong interpreting her words, that she still loved him like a brother, until she opened her mouth and he openly groaned. From then on, their kisses were hungry and hurried, both unable to stop. The elevator could shut down and they wouldn't even notice; they were too absorbed in the feel of each other. But as Harvey slid his thigh between her legs and she irresistibly grinded herself against him, it was her this time who put a stop to it, despite how hard it was.

"Harvey, we can't," she panted.

"Why not?" He ignored her and began to press kisses up and down her neck, and it took her every strain of self control not to let herself be fucked by Harvey straight up in this elevator.

"Because it's not for the right reasons. Like you said. I refuse to give in to you if you're just looking for a one night stand." She tried so hard to push back her tears. Why was confrontation so damn hard?

"Donna," he closed his eyes and took a breath.

"What? You don't think I deserve at least that much?"

"No, it's not that. It's just- You of all people, Donna, should know that I'm not good with feelings. You are one of the select few who know why. Okay? I'm not past it. Scottie once told you I was different and you told her to suck it up. Now I'm here, okay? I'm trying to… change. And I'm not trying to tell you to suck it up or anything, but.."

She huffed. But damn Harvey Specter, best closer and all. Even when he was a bumbling idiot that made 0 sense, he was still somehow convincing.

He bumbled around before he took a deep breath and began again.

"Look, here's the bottom line, Donna. I don't know what love is. I don't know how it feels. I don't know if that's how I feel about you right now, and I don't know if I'll ever feel that way about anyone. But this whole trial made me realize there's no one in this world I care more about than you. I would do anything to protect you and keep you here by my side. If I had to ask someone to move my million dollar Mercedes, I'd ask you. You're a woman who drives me crazy during the day but one who I'm eternally grateful to have at the end of it, even after fourteen hour days. Every day I get into work, seeing you and talking to you makes my day a little bit brighter, and you're right, I take that for granted. You're the only person I wouldn't mind waking up to, even if it is to a sarcastic comment about how I definitely need more beauty So don't leave me. Because I may not be in love with you with certainty yet, but I'm pretty sure I'm pretty damn close. And more than a decade of these ambiguous feelings is," he looked down at his pants and she followed his gaze,

"..._definitely _putting a dent to it," she finished for him. She smirked at him. Even with her makeup smudged and running, Donna was seriously a natural beauty, inside and out.

"But is this want you want, Harvey? You're an eternal bachelor. I don't want that for me. This could be the end of a no-strings-attached era for you."

"That's fine by me. Someone almost gave me an STD two weeks ago, I've been done with casual sex since."

"You almost got a _what?! _Okay, forget it. Get checked and then we'll talk."

"Already did. Remember that extra long lunch I took last Friday?"

"Weren't you talking to Evan Smith?"

"Yeah, like convincing her would take two full hours."

"I still don't think I want anything to do with you anymore."

"Oh yeah?" He smirked, rising up to the challenge. Before she knew it, Donna was weak in the knees as Harvey shamelessly attacked her weak spot behind her ear while whispering what he had planned to do to her if she gave in. He had discovered this weakness of hers the last time.

"Alright, alright! Let's go."

And with that, they left together into Ray's car, where he didn't stop from touching her inappropriately, but only in places where Ray couldn't see. He felt giddy as they pulled in front of his apartment. The dynamic between him and Donna had just changed dynamically, headed into a direction that usually led to straight disaster. But this time, he felt oddly zen. There was a deep feeling in his gut that things would turn out just fine.

* * *

gonna finish this one too with some more chapters! FLUFFY SEXY TIMES AHEAD BE WARNED. keep the comments a-coming! on summer break!


	8. Chapter 8

Harvey's head was whirling on the car ride home. He currently had one hand on the armrest of his car, and another one suggestively placed on Donna's knee. Even he couldn't believe it was happening. His pulse was racing so fast, he almost thought he was having a heart attack. For a brief moment, his vision swam and he felt like he was falling..

_in love_,

the voice in his stupid brain whispered.

He almost laughed right out loud then by how ridiculous it sounded. _I'm falling in love with someone_ was never words he ever pictured himself saying. But when he turned his head and saw her flash of red hair, it sobered him up. As much as he seemingly wanted to deny it, that Harvey Specter needed no such thing as a woman to make him complete, it finally dawned to him that in this lifetime, he wanted Donna. No, needed.

Earlier, he had told her he wasn't sure if he'd ever feel _that _way about anybody, ever. But once he leaned in and captured her lips in yet another breathtaking kiss as the night lights danced by through their car window, Harvey knew in his gut.

This was it.

This was what Mike and Rachel had. What Louis and Shiela and Jessica and Jeff _almost _had. A feeling of extreme content, like you were in the safest and warmest place in the world.

This was what his dad had. Before..

Harvey broke off the kiss to a very surprised Donna. For a minute, all he could do was stare at her, really look at her perfectly framed face, eyes lit and lips bruised. She had never looked more beautiful.

"What's wrong?" she whispered.

"I was thinking about my mom…" Harvey muttered,

Donna feared he was going to back out again-

"...and how I'm so lucky you are nothing like her."

She gave him a genuine smile before she lowered her head right into his chest and snuggled into the crook of his neck. He put his arms around her and kissed her on the forehead, just to make sure this was all real and not actually a dream.

"You're an idiot, Harvey."

He knew that was her way of saying, "_I love you."_

* * *

The trek up to room 206 was a difficult one, only because Harvey got handsy and couldn't stop kissing her every second he had. By the time they had finally gotten to her door, he had her pressed up against it and was this close to giving her whole apartment complex a show of how exactly he was _New York's best closer._

"Harvey," Donna moaned, "I don't want to get sued for public indecency."

"I know a very good lawyer," he retorted before he continued kissing her.

He suddenly felt himself losing his balance. For a moment, he really thought he was falling from earlier. But seconds later, Harvey realized that Donna had somehow opened the door while he was trying to have his way with her AND somehow managed to flip them so that she could land on him when they fell through the doorway.

"Oomph" was all he heard himself say before he found himself on her carpet, with her landing on top of him.

He head her giggle. "And that's what you get for attempting to sleep with me in publ- Harvey? Harvey, are you okay?" Donna suddenly noticed Harvey's face was turning red and the big vein on his forehead was unusually throbbing. He turned away from her and crawled into a fetal position.

"When you landed," he gasped, "your knee landed on my," he breathed again, "jewels."

Donna was astounded for a second before she burst out laughing. "I'm so sorry," Harvey glared at her. "I really shouldn't be laughing this hard right now, should I?" He shook his head. It only made her laugh harder.

"Cmon, let's go to the couch. Do you need anything? Ice? Tissues? Tampon?" she joked, remembering the last time they had a banter similar to this one.

"No," he rasped.

"Do you need a hand?"

"You get your hands away from this body, thank you very much."

"That's not what you're going to be saying in about, oh, fifteen minutes." she shot back, giving him the naughtiest look she could come up with.

He groaned. Whether it was in pain or in pleasure, there was some blood going down there and for once, he really wished it wouldn't. He was so going to make her pay tonight. But for now, all he could do was cup his balls and watch her hips sway into the kitchen to grab a bottle of wine.

* * *

"Fuck, Donna." Harvey was losing his breath again, but this time for an entirely different reason. Half an hour after the jewels incident, Donna had actually shown done a fantastic job showing exactly how sorry she was. Which was incidentally why she was currently sitting on top of him in only her underwear while he was still fully clothed, having shed her dress in a very erotic way to some song that had the words "girl, you've earned it." He wondered briefly if she took stripipng classes on the days she didn't show up for work, because _damn _that woman knew what she was doing. He thought she had been better than a lot of actual stripped he had seen in his lifetime. And of course, Donna, being the devil she was, had made him sit and watch all of it with _absolutely no touching, _so it wasn't very long before his dick was up and running again.

"So, Harvey, want my hands on your body now?" Donna purred.

"Fuck, yes, please," was all he could find to say. He never begged, but it had been 12 years and all he wanted was her… _everywhere._

"Since I accidentally kneed Mini Harvey, I'm going to personally apologize to him.. you don't mind, do you?"

"Donna," he said through gritted teeth.

Before he knew it, Donna had his trousers unzipped and was in the process of lowering his boxers. At the moment, Harvey believed he had no self-control whatsoever. He was driving her crazy and it was literally took everything he had not to just grab her and ravish her. He looked at her, looked at how her hand was a mere two centimeters from the best job he was about to get until he felt his butt vibrate.

She giggled. "Wow, Harvey, didn't think you were that excited to see me."

"My phone. Whatever. Not important. Please." This woman was actually going to kill him.

She grabbed it, only making him suck in another breath. "Wait, it's Mike. It's probably important if he's calling this late."

And that was all it took for him and Mini Harvey to die down. Damn this kid and his knack of cockblocking _every single fucking time_ at the exact worse moments. He sighed as she rolled off of him, and picked up begrudgingly.

"WHAT, MIKE. I swear, if you're calling to tell me you can't think of how to style your hair _again_ I will-"

"Harvey. It's Rachel." She sounded like she had been crying. "Mike got into a car accident and he's in the hospital. Can you come right now?"

He groaned. The universe was so cruel. All he had wanted tonight was to spend it with Donna, god forbid that _ever _happen in the past 12 years they'd been together.

"Yeah. I'll- we'll- be there soon," he finished awkwardly before hanging up.

"What's wrong?" Donna asked.

"You're going to have to put your dress back on. The puppy needs our help."


End file.
